Saturday, 8 August 2015

IMDb Bottom 100 Review - Number 50 Dis A Story About Love

If you have a couple of hours of otherwise unoccupied time, a video camera and a really stupid looking hair do, I suggest you cast that shit aside post haste and, contrary to whoever the fuck wasted an hour and 9 minutes of my life with this movie, step away from quasi-professional movie making for the remainder of your days. Let me be absolutely clear about this: This movie should not exist. Lots of movies on this list probably shouldn't, but I can understand why somebody thought they'd be fun to make. And why somebody would spend time doing them. This movie defies all logic. Nobody, including the cocksmugglers who hacked their way through.... alright I'm getting carried away already. Let's get on with this review and I'll throw virtual shit at this right after the jump.

Film School Reject Technique #5: Panning landscape from a moving vehicle for several minutes at a time. 
Dis: En historie om kjaerlighed aka A Story About Love (1995)

Let me open on a positive note. This movie was only an hour and 9 minutes long. On a slightly less positive note every single picosecond of those 69 minutes felt like a lifetime. I usually watch these movies with about 75% attention, the remaining 20% spent on my phone and 5% contemplating how the fuck they fit those little ships into those little bottles (no really. Even after having seen a person do it, I'm still baffled.) This movie had perhaps 15% of my attention. 20% during the juicy bits (of which there were none). And what's more, I realized less than 5 minutes in, that it was going to be the case. Not only was the quality of everything less than the standard of the bumbling dad filming his daughter play a teacup at the local elementary school, it was just pointless and shitty and boring and lame and pointless. Completely lacking a point. A love story, the title falsely lead me to believe. A big fat lie. Dis means fog in Norwegian. That was partly true, except there wasn't actually any fog in the movie, but due to the excessively shitty quality of the camera, it looked like you needed glasses. Everytime I looked up at the screen from my game of Parcheesi, I rubbed my eyes trying to focus. It didn't help. I gave up 25 minutes in and just accepted my fate.

Another thing: Half the movie was kept in semi darkness. I guess it's a way of making it seem mysterious and profound while hiding the actors' faces.
Normally I'd spend two paragraphs going over the plot of the movie I'm reviewing. Hell, you've read every one of my reviews up until now, why am I telling you. You're a seasoned review reader at this point, so let's dispense with the idle bullshit and get right to the action here. The fact of the matter is, there is no plot in this movie. And I know, usually when I say that it's really 'haha the plot is so stupid that you could just as well say it isn't there when really there is at least a pretense of a plot'. Not so this time. There literally is no plot. There is no real dialogue even. Just voice over. It's just somebody filming a city and one and/or two people walking around. That's it. No I'm serious. That's really fucking it. Why? WHY? ARGH!

Plot Twit: There isn't anything significant about this. It's 5 minutes of a guy fiddling with his bike. 5 minutes out of 69. 
Remember how I mentioned there wasn't a plot? It's true. There isn't one. So what is the movie doing? Well it's a love story, right? So the movie is split into 4 segments: Cairo, Oslo, Paris and New York. What happens on the screen? Well 30% of the movie is just the camera filming like... a panorama of the city or buildings or out of a car window. 50% is whoever is supposed to be the focus of that segment doing completely pointless and inane shit like filling up the tank of a motorcycle or rollerblading or smoking a cigarette. And the last 20% is filming a woman powdering her god damn face while contemplating her destiny. I'm appalled that somebody thought this shit up and managed to translate it to film. It absolutely should not be something that exists. This could not... it must not have made money. It's imperative that this movie didn't make money. I would punch a kitten if I learned that it made any kind of money. Each of the four segments is dealing with love, but the dialogue is like a high school poetry competition: clichés and drivel that wouldn't impress a 1 year old dyslexic hamster.

20% of the movie was this lady. With voice over so dull I thought for a moment Woody Allen had executive produced it.
Why does it exist you may, if you are anything like me, be asking yourself as you are looking for a hammer to bash your fucking skull in with. Why indeed. My take on that is, that the long haired dickwad that seems to be involved in all 4 segments sat around some piece of shit coffee shop one day, with his arthouse friends, bragging about how amazing a film maker he was. Somehow a demented but rich philanthropist came by, and asked him what his idea was. Caught in an outright lie, this long haired shitstain blurts out the only lame idea his film school groupie wannabe brain can come up with: a love story. The demented philanthropist dismisses him immediately, and the long haired fucknugget, now obsessed with his own magnificent idea, decides to gather bottles from trashcans around the city and return them for money so he can fund his magnus opus. He then decides, money in hand, that he should of course film this in four different cities. Why not? He has money to spend, and the production itself is so cheap it could be funded by the money dropped out of a homeless' pocket. Four cities around the globe. If this guy received a government grant for fund this, so help me I will go on a rampage.

"Yo dude don't forget if you shoot out the front window, people will feel it is a gritty look at the world through somebody's eyes. Do it, man. It'll pay off!"
The movie is Norwegian, and the only Norwegian movie on the list, I believe, making it the second, and so far, lowest scoring Scandinavian country with an entry on the B100 list. I think Sweden perhaps steered clear of this amazing honor. I looked for subtitles a bit, but since I'm able to, with like 90% success, understanding Norwegian I didn't go through any trouble. I doubt subtitles exist. This was the kind of arthouse movie that would be shot on VHS and never made the transition to DVD nor would anybody give enough of a fuck to actually make subtitles for it. Especially because you'd vomit if you sat down and transcribed it. Example: “Sometimes I dream of a little man in the side of the road laughing. He jumps towards me, but right before he hits me, he disappears”. That was a piece of voice over from the Cairo segment. A love story? Sure. I was neauseous just from typing out that part. Imagine doing the entire movie. I ran out of expletives 20 minutes into the movie and was reduced to making gutteral sounds of dismay to express my feelings.

Shouting at strangers hoping they'll stay out of shot, so his movie isn't ruined by actual content. Or mistaken for the longest and most boring entry to America's Funniest Home Videos
This film was so clearly misunderstood art and before it was even before it was cool hipstery shit. It reeked of somebody full of themselves and full of blind eyed romanticism trying to make something profound and emotional that just came out as hit way left of the mark. One scene from the New York segment shows a trash bag in the middle of the road, blowing trash everywhere in the wind. It reminded me of the already cheesy as fuck scene from American Beauty with the plastic bag blowing in the wind, inspiring tears of awe that life is so amazing. Interestingly this movie was made 4 years prior to American Beauty leading me to the only safe conclusion: Sam Mendes ripped this piece of shit off. What a knee in the groin for whoever made this flick. Oh well, can't be helped. They should have made something even more profound. Perhaps next time the coffee house crew come up with a way to spend money they could've set fire to and derived more enjoyment from, they'll make something that is actually worth using an hour and 9 minutes of my life on. I'm not holding my breath. Not for long anyway. I mean we all hold it for a second at a time many times during the day, so I don't want to sit here and promise not to ever hold it again – I can't guarantee that. But what I wanted to say was, that I won't hold it until these guys make a decent movie, because I honestly don't think that's an option.

Shooting scenes in urban environments gives the viewer the feeling of digging deep under the hood of society for the real deal. The only thing I felt this movie was digging in, was a pile of shit. 
I could easily go on for another few paragraphs, spouting angry text about the problems inherent in this movie. But there is a point in every review, where enough is just enough. In closing I'll mention the voice over again. Because really a whole movie just with voice over to mask the fact, that nobody could act for shit. Why not write something that makes people feel like they are watching something somebody cared about at some point. And not just something made so some dude could jerk himself off to his title as film maker. I get it. You're a hotshot down at the coffee shop with nothing on the walls and instant coffee served ironically. It's a hit with the kind of people who thought hanging white pictures on the walls of museums was innovative and an amazing way to send a message to the world, that art is more than just something to look at. But with anybody who didn't sit in the back in film class thinking every established movie was propaganda for the masses it was far from a hit. It was a complete and utter loss, and I feel like less of a human being for having watched it. 

Actual fog. The prophecy came true!

Wednesday, 6 May 2015

IMDb Bottom 100 Review – Number 51 Son of the Mask

Take a massively career defining movie of the 90s, that was fun and somewhat innovative, get some B-list actors, amp up effects a bit, string together a somewhat coherent albeit stupid as fuck script, add a dash of cashing in and you've got the recipe for a cinematic disaster not seen since I reviewed Night Train to Mundo Crap last week. Or any other week before that. The Mask made Jim Carey and Cameron Diaz into stars. This movie took what little Jamie Kennedy had to his name, and tore it to pieces. I think it's best if you drop all hopes that this movie will turn my reviewing list around for the better, and just read the words I wrote about...

I fucking hate Ben Stein. Regardless of his annoying voice and stupid face this guy is a massive toolbag. No really, Youtube him. 

Tonight we look at a movie that has everything pretty much handed to it on a plate, and still manages to fuck it all up. Like most Zack Snyder movies, this flick mostly consists of effects that need to carry everything else but comes up short. Unlike most Zack Snyder movies, however, Son of the Mask doesn't leave you feeling a little empty but still impressed. It just makes you feel empty. Feauturing known faces on the cast list, and these effects as well as the coat tails of a massive blockbuster to ride on, it's almost saddening how poorly this movie was executed. I was never a fan of Jamie Kennedy, so his presence as the main character doesn't help me to like this, but I fear I would've probably not thought that differently if they had selected somebody else in his stead. This just couldn't work. Even the mostly charming Alan Cummings failed to pull this out of the dumpster with his colorful but annoying portrayal of Loki. The plot is feeble but coherent at least.

Alan Cumming. You were once Nightcrawler in blue, and now this shit? Where did it go wrong. 

Loki wants his Mask back. He goes looking for it on Earth wreaking havoc along the way. It's unclear if he's struck a deal with Odin or something, because Odin turns up later, as an apparition, and demands that Loki finds his mask or else... Meanwhile Jamie Kennedy is an animator working in a studio, trying to get his idea for a show realized and not having a lot of luck with it. His wife wants to have a kid, but Jamie doesn't think it's such a hot idea. I'm not sure why except perhaps because he's not mature enough or just doesn't understand what the point is. In a particularly grim moment where he's just been shot down at work, his dog finds Loki's mask somewhere, and Jamie puts it on as his costume for the night at his company party. He somehow manages to both pitch an idea for a show that his executives love and have sex with his wife that same night. When he wakes up, literally a few hours later, she informs him that she's pregnant. Boom.

Jamie Kennedy. You are an idiot and still I'm sorry you have to go through this. That hair and mask is just... ridiculous.
The child is born and looks normal but is of course a weird hybrid of human with mask/Loki like powers. Loki has found out that a child has been born of the mask, and is tracking down everybody with the same name as Jamie utilizing a number of annoying disguises and gimmicks. Jamie's wife, that I honestly can't remember the name of and alt tabbing to a browser to look it up seems too much effort at this point despite the fact, that typing that sentence and this one now is probably more work than just looking up her name, is going on a business trip to somewhere. The kid looks like he's 2 at this point, but nothing has been mentioned about accelerated growth, so either Loki is slow as fuck in his tracking, or this movie has a wonky time line. While she's gone, the kid starts fucking around with weird powers. Also the dog puts on the mask and further stupidity ensues. Loki finally manages to find out that the Jamie is the guy he's looking for, and an epic showdown happens, during which Odin strips Loki of his powers and then reinstates him before everything comes to a peaceful and multi beneficial solution. Everybody wins.

Loki bonds with the kid over a game of Super Twister. Let that concept just sink in.
This movie was a classic case of slapstick gone wrong. So many stupid attempts at gags that could've worked, but didn't. The Mask with Jim Carey had a lot of gags, most of which worked because of timing I guess, or the inherent comedic value in Jim. Jamie Kennedy isn't a comedic genius. Not at all. Alan Cumming is doing alright, but he can't carry this whole thing. I only really know him from X2 where he portrayed one of my favorite mutants, Nightcrawler decently so I'm irrationally disappointed that he is in this shit. Bob Hoskins plays Odin and that's just not working at all either. Good old Bob somehow got lured into doing this film, for God knows what reason. Blackmail is my guess. There's no way he could've read the script beforehand or had any idea what he was getting himself into. Alright so he did do Roger Rabbit, and perhaps he hoped this movie would reach the same level of cult status or fame, but he was sadly and grossly mistaken. Jamie's wife is Traylor Howard who we all know from Two Guys, a girl and a pizza place playing, you guessed it, 'a girl'. Her role here is tame and without real merit. Her part does beg the question 'what the fuck made her love Jamie to begin with'. Jamie is kind of a fuck up. Sure he has a degree in animation and is working a job in animation but still he comes off as a dead end loser. Perhaps it's just his demeanor, but everything about him screams loser.

I know punching babies is frowned upon in modern society, but no baby has made me this annoyed since the Olsen twins. 
Lastly we have the kid. That fucking kid. Played, as almost always, by a seemingly endless number of identical twins in Hollywood, this kid is just downright annoying. The few parts that aren't CGI they bomb. I don't know if it's because I'm in a pissy mood in general for watching this film, or because he is genuinely horrible. I'm leaning towards the latter. Mostly because it makes me happy but also because those twins have literally never been in anything else. So somebody out there must have seen this and thought “fuck no”. In Son of the Mask they obviously play the title role. Born of the mask it's referred to as in the movie several times. Like somebody the DNA of a mask wearer and human DNA mix up and create something out of nothing. I don't know. Nothing is really explained in the movie because there isn't an explanation for any of it that would make sense – even within the movie universe. How the hell can two year olds even bomb in a role like this? They aren't doing much. They are just babies! And yet, I haven't been this aggravated at a kid in a movie since the last superbabies flick. They try to mask most of it with CGI which could've worked, if it hadn't been for the fact, that all the gags are just horribly executed and crude in a non funny way. Nothing is funny. Nothing works. Everything is pointless.

Bob Hoskins, ladies and gentlemen. Academy award nominee Bob Hoskins. 
The CGI in general in this movie is over done. I get that the movie has no real content and nothing really to carry it through. And that the CGI is relatively well done. Not well designed, but well done. It's cartooney and looks decent for a movie that only the most hardcore believer could've had true faith in. It's just no where near enough to take the mind off of what a horrible piece of shit everything else is. Especially the way Jamie Kennedy looks when wearing the mask. I mean, is it a porcelain masking they have somehow clicked onto his face? What the fuck is going on with that. I don't expect it to look believable, because how could it? But at least don't make it look that stupid. They try to throw a few song and dance numbers at us, because they worked in The Mask, but they fall flat on their face. No gusto or effort really. Just half assing it. Alan Cumming tries a coy and trickstery approach as Loki, but it comes off as laughable. Enough so to make me wonder how the hell he pulled through it without throwing up. Bob Hoskins and him play back and forth on some father/son rivalry, but it doesn't really work. At all. It's not explained why Odin is pissed or why he wants Loki to find the mask that badly. Or why there is a countdown for Loki to find it. Or why the fuck he even shows up in the first place. God dammit.

I never really liked Jamie Kennedy. This movie didn't help. He always plays an annoying person. Perhaps he is typecast, I don't know. 
This movie is colorful and tries hard to be something it never could be. It somehow managed to lure in a few decent names, but nobody seems engaged enough or caring enough to put in more than a fleeting moment's effort. It's empty and pointless. Everything about it is. Not a chuckle, a smirk or a twinkle in my eyes happened at any point here. And I watched it on a plane going from Toronto to Denver, with no wifi and only pay per view in-flight entertainment. I had literaly nothing else to do, than stare out the window, and still this movie was the worse alternative. I could've looked at the wing of a flying airplane, and marveled at the concept of humans in flight, and felt like I had spent my two hours more constructively than watching this movie. I wish I had done that instead.  

Sunday, 26 April 2015

IMDb Bottom 100 Review – Number 52 Red Zone Cuba (Night Train to Mundo Fine)

Convicts fighting the filthy commies during the early Cold War slash Great Depression times in Cuba? It's a thing here, and we're in for a rare gem tonight. If by gem I mean a piece of badly fossilized mammoth fecal matter. I almost lack words to adequately convey how watching this movie made me feel. I found some, as you will soon read. But just know, that tonight's text did not come easy. With, sadly, no further ado, I am about to review...

'I was blackmailed into this. Why did I have to snort all that coke off of a hooker's ass'

Movies made in one era, possibly made out to look like they were from a different era, without consistency or attention to detail? Yes, this one is such a movie. And I'm not even sure it was a deliberate attempt at a period piece or even a deliberate attempt at a... well, piece. It was cack. Dreg. Shit. Crap. Waste of time and brain cells, even if I doubt any were wasted on making it I know some were on watching it. I think my 6 year old great-niece would be embarrassed had her group of little preschool friends gotten together, and cranked out this 90 minute dog turd. Imagine getting smacked in the face with a wet newspaper (Sunday edition) repeatedly for six hours. Then multiply that by infinity and you're tapping into the feeling I had when the credits, finally, rolled on this movie. It's just not OK. It's not.

The famed title train. That plays a surprisingly small role. As in it's not even a minor plot element.

The plot. No, I can't use the word plot with a straight face to describe things in this movie. The scenes in this movie are as nonsensical as any I've ever seen. Troll 2 was a Scorsese masterpiece in comparison. Things that happen in Red Zone Cuba can't possibly have made sense anywhere, on paper or in the mind of whoever deranged individual conceived it. We open with a reporter interviewing some dude at a train yard. No introduction or lead in. He reveals that 3 guys ran across the yard the night before and into a train. The reporter is shocked, and the music reflects that the mood now is supposed to be shocked. But what the fuck? We have no context in which to feel shock. 3 escaped convicts ran into a train? Who gives a shit? The credits begin, while the train dude serves his second, and last, purpose in this film: singing the theme song. Granted, he did an OK job. But it doesn't in any way make up for the subsequent 75 minutes of life draining 'entertainment'. Perhaps the rest of the movie is a flashback, but the action, if we can use that word without flinching, takes places before, during and after the three convicts are in a train, and there is no possible way that train yard stoogie could have any fucking clue what they were up to before or after just from vaguely seeing them run across a yard. What the hell do these people take me for?

This guy was choked to within an inch of his life for no reason. He hit a trigger word apparenrly
The three convicts start out as two guys, possibly convicts we can't say for sure because nobody tells us. The third guy sneaks into the back of their pick up truck and they all become fast friends once he threatens them with a gun. They decide to join the Army, because there is a crisis going on down in Cuba, and the Army is paying a thousand bucks to people who join, and another thousand when they return. They meet a guy who flies them down there for 15 dollars a piece. They haven't got the money so they offer him their pick up truck. He says it's worth 35 dollars. Then he accepts it as payment for ll three. 3X15>35 last time I checked, but hey... anything to move this shit along. They join the army and start the lamest training I've ever seen. Basically just jumping off a small hill, some 4-5 feet, then climbing back up. At night they discuss stuff in their bunk beds. The third guy, who is the worst of the three, suddenly jumps up and starts choking one of the other two. No explanation. Meant to convey drama or tension I'm sure. It didn't. They are finally shipped off to Cuba after the worst depiction of a mission briefing in the history of cinema or man kind as a whole. It looks like a kid was given a bunch of crayons and told to draw a map of Narnia. What the shit? They hit the beach of Cuba during night time, scale a hill by means of a rope some infiltrator had hung there the night before, and are immediately captured by Cuban forces. Like not even really a fight. Just captured. It's pitiful. In the shed they are in, and it's really just a shed with big open windows, no bars no locks just a big hole in the wall through which they could climb at ANY moment, they rendezvous with a fellow soldier, who is shot in the leg. Apparently his leg has contracted gangrene in the space of 24 hours. He talks of his family farm, and claims there are thousands worth of metals and other resources. If only they'd take him with them. They don't.

This was the window to their prison cell. The guards walked around. It would've taken two seconds to slip out and run. But no.
They steal an airplane, that one of them magically is able to pilot, and fly back to the States, where they steal a car and head to the train yard, where they get on a train. Back off the train, they need transportation and steal another car. It seems like it would've been easier to just keep the first car. Or fly the airplane further than they did. Or sell the airplane? No? Alright. Anyway, they finally hit the farm of their soldier friend, whose wife readily lets them in and says she'll help them mine her husband's resources. This makes so little sense, I think I forgot precious childhood memories because my mind was thrown into severe acute dementia right then and there. Two cops that look like they were stationed specifically to look for these convicts, see them and report it in. We are treated to a brief arrest of the two lesser evils, and the wife being shot by main baddie before he's shot from a helicopter, faintly reminiscent of that other movie I reviewed here in which somebody was shot from a helicopter (editor's note: It was The Skydivers).

This guy was in the prison cell with our protagonists. He isn't referred to at all or explained. He's just sleeping.Until another unexplained prisoner is up for execution, upon which this guy hands him a painting he's had under his blanket. I don't know. 
For a film with no discernible plot, using three paragraphs to describe it might strike some as odd. I agree. However I think I've found, that the less sense the plot makes, the harder it is to actually describe it. If a movie makes perfect chronological and logical sense, relaying it is a piece of cake. This one certainly doesn't make sense. So let's have a looksee at who the fuck took time out of their no doubt insignificant schedule to grace us with their cinematic presence. First off it's singing train yard guy. Now his face was mildly familiar, but it wasn't until later I realized it was John Carradine. Yes, that daytime Emmy winning walk of fame star awarded dad of autoerotic asphyxiation in a Bangkok 2 dollar hotel room victim David Carradine John Carradine. Joining the cast to smoke ominously and sing the title track that really wasn't the title track because the movie wasn't called Night Train to Mundo Fine anyway I think. It's unclear. It's kind of like it's two movies fused into one, because somebody couldn't quite decide. John Carradine does little besides kick this shitfest off with a song. Then, of course, there is Coleman Francis. Oh my god Coleman Francis. You know what? I'm going to go ahead and dedicate a whole paragraph to Coleman. I'll see you in the next paragraph for this one.

Military briefing detailing their 8 man invasion of Cuba. I'm all for making indie films on a small budget, but this is just ridiculous. 
Hi and welcome to this paragraph dedicated to Coleman Francis and why you should hate him now, if you aren't already. 'Why would I hate him? I've only just met him?' I can almost hear you thinking, and if it had been almost anybody else I might be inclined to agree with you. Surely he's an upstanding citizen, man of the cloth, small business owner, chairman of the tennants association in his building? I can't dispute any of those things, nor do I care to. Remember how I mentioned a scene in Red Zone Mundo Cuba Train similar to The Skydivers reviewed some time back? It's not a coincidence. You can thank Francis Coleman. He is the brains moron behind both. Not only is he the dude who chose to sneeze his cinematic mucus all over the world, he is also the 'star' of this movie as well as 'acting' in The Skydivers. Good heavens, thinking back on Skydivers I almost remember it fondly. At least in comparison to this complete codswallop. He made Skydivers, figured it wasn't enough mayhem released on an unsuspecting world, and found the resources to make this movie as well. He died in the late 70s a mere 53 years old. I guess making shitty movies takes its toll. But alas, my dearest Readington, our run in with Mr. Francis doesn't end here. No. He wrote and directed a third movie. Ah yes, the fairy tale 3. We remember that from last time. The most diligent of you will already have looked his ass up on IMDb, and to you I say 'I am proud of you, but don't ruin it for those who like to keep living with the suspense' because you see, his third movie is also on this list. It's going to be a bit yet before we reach it, but when we do, I feel certain it'll be blatantly apparent.

Speaking of ridiculous, this is the military training. This and jumping off a 5 foot obstacle. 
Summing everything up in a paragraph is both hard and easy. Actually it's not that hard. But it's not that easy either. The movie sucked. It sucked hard. And what's more, besides terribly terrible acting, abysmal writing, completely void of imagination direction as well as the general feel of being invited into a well assorted French wine cellar for a glas of luke warm butter milk, this movie was ugly. Yes, butt fucking ugly. It looked like it was recorded on equipment modern when Abraham Lincoln was still El Presidente. Further more, it looked like the people who churned this shit out couldn't quite decide whether the movie ought to look like it was from the 30s (John Carradine was in Grapes of Wrath after all) or if it was supposed to be contemporary. I guess that could be a credit to them, seeing as they made the movie timeless in essence. However, it didn't work. At all. It feels weirdly mixed and indecisive, and it doesn't do the movie any favors. Like the 3 dudes are in a work camp and run around in clothes that kind of look 1930ish, but then they are off to fight Cubans at the Bay of Pigs and drive Cadillacs. It doesn't make sense. Coleman Francis is supremely annoying as the main bad guy, trying to appear deeper and thoughtful while just coming off as a Special Education kid who ate paint chips for supper every day before his teens. He is laughably amateur. Nobody does an even passable job with acting. The lighting throughout the movie is horrible, in an attempt I think, to make the movie gritty and noir. It feels like somebody forgot the develop the film properly.

Did I use the word ridiculous yet? This is the entire army. Invading Cuba. 
I hated every second of this shitty flick, and it's hit Top 5 of worst movies on this list for me, so far. I just made up that Top 5 and perhaps this isn't even on there. I can't honestly remember which movies I hated more than others. I try not to think about it too much, for fear of going on a rampage. That's right. Rampage. It's nearing that point.