Sunday, 12 April 2015

IMDb Bottom 100 Review – Number 55 Hobgoblins

It's back to square one with this one, folks. A cheap knock off version of a popular film, featuring abysmal acting, shitty props and no direction at all is the Bottom 100 stable we know and love. This is a poor man's version of Gremlins, and the costume/set design in here gives Troll 2 a run for it's money as far as making the viewed kick and scream in anguish. Everything blows about this movie and I hated it viciously. Yes! It's good to know that I'm not completely loopy for enjoying one of these movies. Please, if you could spare a moment, join with me in absolutely loathing the shit out of...
This fucking guy. Right out of boot camp in the stupidest campest vehicle and flier shades. Good god. 

Hobgoblins (1988)

This movie gold old fashioned sucks. There are literally no redeeming qualities about this movie. Nothing that makes me go “this wasn't a complete waste of time”. It really completely was. It was kind of like the time I stepped on a nail only I didn't have some angry nurse give me a tetanus shot after this movie ended. I just sat in silence for a few moments, contemplating ways of restoring my lost brain cells. I decided to wait a few days in writing this review, so perhaps some of the details in the movie would have faded from my mind, because putting words to my feelings immediately following the viewing of Hobgoblins could've proved absolutely dire. It was boring and I was irritated at people making stuff like that thinking it was in any way good. I haven't had that particular feeling since... hmm well I guess Troll 2 (I know right. That fucking movie haunts me to this day) was the first and best example of people making a movie thinking it was super amazing, when really it was anything but. But alas I'm veering off path here. Let's take a look at the super simple plot to this piece of shit.

I'll just show one picture of these fucking puppets. It's that bad. I don't want to ruin your lives too.
Basically this is an 'aliens crash on earth and wreak havoc' story. But it's more intricate than just that, amazingly enough. A concept The Horror of Party Beach utterly failed to grasp, so Hobgoblins' got that going for it which is nice. Apparently they crashed on the lot of some company, and the guard there locked them up in a vault on the lot. He later claims to have worked there for 30 years indicating that he stayed working there because he had to make sure the aliens didn't get out. So right then and there we are expected to believe, that they have been locked up in a vault for 30 years without anybody but that guard finding out or ever questioning the vault or its contents? Alright. That's not easy but alright. The deal with the aliens here is, that they induce hallucinations in people, making them believe they are in their wildest fantasy. The unfortunate outcome of this is, that the victim dies. Horribly. The old guard claims he doesn't know if the aliens do this to hurt us or if they aren't aware of the negative impact. I don't know if the same question has been posed to the makers of Hobgoblins. It's something to think about.

Maynard! Bring out the fucking gimp! Yes, it's a pop culture reference. Deal with it. 
Lo and behold the aliens escape because the main character whose name is of absolutely no significance, is just hired and leaves the vault door open after specifically being told that's the one fucking thing he can't do. The aliens bail, and because nothing else would make sense here, they go straight to this main character's house, where his 3 idiotic friends and one of said friend's new boyfriend are hanging out. Before this dude is hired as a security guard for an undisclosed company of unspecified character, he hangs out with these friends, one of which is his girlfriend. For some reason she is all up in his grill about being badass. She is supposed to be repressed and prudish I think, and her girlfriend is a skank, so there is a dynamic there. The skank dates an army dude. I say army dude but his stint in the armed forces apparently meant just finishing boot camp. He's already looking like Rambo. Much like real life. Main character and Army dude gets into a fight, that Army dude wins easily due to superior combat training. Main guy's girlfriend talks mad shit. I'm unable to comprehend what the hell this is supposed to mean. It's a subplot that barely makes sense. The last friend of the bunch is a lonely nerdish type dude who keeps calling sex lines. So there's that. The aliens escape, go to Main dude's house, and hilarity does not ensue. Not even close. A chase around town does, however, and it culminates with a big scene in a local night club including a full music track from, what is no doubt, some moronic friend of the director whose shitty band really wanted the exposure playing a song in this clandestine movie would potentially provide. I hope they didn't pay him for product placement.

Old Guy and Main Guy (TM) talking serious. It's a man's life in night time security guarding, let me tell you. 
That's pretty much the plot, or lack there of. There is one subplot that I could mention, where the sex line dude's sex line woman becomes real through hallucinations induced from the aliens. The guy is over the top happy, and doesn't see all the tell tale signs that shit just isn't OK. Not even when the hallucination wants to push his car off a cliff. With him in it. Ah la vie c'est l'amour, ain't that right kids? You're god damn right it is. Main guy saves in in the nick of time, so that's good. At the night club mayhem breaks out and there are explosions everywhere because army dude's commander turns up. They start literally dropping hand grenades left and right. Also army guy wears a bullet belt that appears to be for an mg42 but he is only equipped with a small submachinegun. So that makes no sense. Surprise. He jumps on a grenade at one point and miraculously makes it out alive. The prudish girl has turned skanky, because that's her wildest fantasy apparently and the aliens are more than happy to accommodate. Eventually, through some of the most stupid and lame fighting scenes with something that could hardly even pass as a puppet, the aliens are killed off and peace breaks out.

Rake fight in the yard for literally zero reason. I remember choreographing fight sequences with a friend when I was 10 years old because we loved action movies. We did a better job at 10 than these guys. 
It's all just so fucking stupid. Like head shakingly groin punchingly stupid. Nothing works. Nothing. The aliens are the shittiest imitation of Gremlins since sliced bread. Gremlins is an institution. This shit belongs in an institution. But alas, fair enough. We imitate what we see. This whole blog is an analogy on the fall of man and subsequent rise of the machines. You know, where they enslave mankind and make us carry out menial tasks every day for sport. So this movie is a rip off of Gremlins. 30 years these aliens were locked up in that vault, apparently without need for sustenance or fresh air. And also just biding their time, unable to work their hallucinatory magic through the vault door. The old security guard, having spent fucking 30 years there knows a thing or two and claims they must be round back up before morning or 'it's all over'. It's that simple, folks. It's all over unless... So main guy has his work cut out for him. Thankfully he, and his moronic friends, get shit handled and there is a happy ending involved. Happy in the context of the movie at least. For me, the only slightly happy moment was when the credits rolled and I knew my life had reached yet another low point. It's funny how you often think you've reached a point from whence things can only go up, and then a few weeks later you reach that same point yet again. But that's a bedtime story for my therapist another day. Moving on.

Sense made in this picture: Less than zero. It's not in any way alright. I'm not alright. This isn't alright. 
I was watching this piece of absolute filth expecting very little and gettng less. However, one thing happened that did make me sit up, finger raised and eyebrow cocked casually charming. Because in the midst of this inferno of mediocrity, a familiar face hit my cornea like an angry 1950s working class drunken husband; The guy who played the bouncer Roadrash looked like somebody I had seen before. But where? My mind was spinning faster than the inventor of celluloid would in his grave if he knew his invention was instrumental in making Hobgoblins a reality, and in the end all that heavy thinking bore fruit. It was Maynard. The sadist closet homosexual rapist pawn shop owner that gets a katana to the chest in Pulp Fiction. Oh spoiler alert by the way. He dies in Pulp Fiction. Anyway, that was him. He was in this, some 6 years before not reaching any real level of fame from appearing in one of the modern cinema's masterpieces. Trust old Quentin Tarantino to pick out a dude who wasn't even slightly well known but had appeared in shitty movies. I bet QT saw Hobgoblins when working his movie rental store job and loved it. That seems like something Quentin would do. I guess I'll have to differ from him on this one. I hated it. But then, I'm no connoisseur.

Prude is appalled at the topic of conversation here. Moments later she urges her boyfriend to get his ass kicked for fun. I don't know what this is about. 
Like I mentioned earlier, this movie stunk to high heavens. I know revealing the conclusion in the introduction of a review isn't orthodox really, but I've never played by the book. I'm like the Dr. House of indie movie reviewing in a way. In the same way this blog is an analogy on the demise of man and the rise of machines. My guess is most people involved in this production were people who happened to wander past the production and were given a piece of paper with handwritten lines on it. The story is so lame, even Rosie O'Donnell would've found it bland and non-denominational. The acting made me think of a bunch of mentally challenged teenagers trying to hump a doorknob. And the puppets. Oh god the puppets. I couldn't even with those. I literally died watching this movie. Generally I'm the kind of dude that doesn't really care. “Behold, the field in which I grow my fucks. Lay thine eyes upon it and thou shalt see that it is barren” is a sentence sequence I have uttered more than once in my life. But this movie robbed me of my indifference. I could not not care. I hated it that much. Just awful. In fact, I'm going to stop typing more now, because I feel myself grow cranky from re-living this nightmare, and I have a oboe recital later on I have to keep my head clear for, or I'll have to repeat my third year again. Until next time, children. Stay in school. 

Ze Vault! A small cage door inside the massive vault door and a cage outside too. All left perfectly ajar because surely these safety measures are just there for shits and giggles. 

Sunday, 29 March 2015

IMDb Bottom 100 Review – Number 56 Tangents aka Time Chasers

Confession time: I actually enjoyed this movie. I don’t even care to make excuses or play it off as a fluke. This movie had negative aspects, but overall it was surprisingly clear and coherent, it raised some legitimate questions, and to its credit, it did not try to spoon feed them to us in a haphazard willy nilly way but rather left them open ended. I’m not sure if I am a broken man, or if these movies are really secretly misunderstood? I’m starting to question reality a lot. But this movie was not bad, and I do not feel bad for enjoying it. I promise I’ll slip in some snark in this review, but if you’re looking for a shitstorm of sassy comments, this won’t fulfill that dark void in your soul. At this point you might as well join me in taking an interesting glance at…
 
Nick at his beloved computer. Please notice the sweet homage in the background. Ignore that they chose to honor Back to the Future 3 and not 1 or 2. Still, though...
I won’t go all out, and say that this movie was a masterpiece. Hell it wasn’t even a sweet piece of cinema. What it was, however, was relatively well executed, well written but poorly acted. Not Troll 2 poorly acted, but just kind of dilettante in nature. Like amateur theater. It’s good enough that you’ll forgive, but not so good that you forget what you’re watching. This movie, unlike most of it’s predecessors, and, I can’t but assume, most of the movies following it, had a decent grasp on continuity and a pretty decent flow. I’ll furnish you with some examples later. The movie, as the title would suggest, deals with time travel – a concept that more often than not leads to continuity confusion. Most of the time it’s legit, because by virtue of being a story concerning time travel, continuity is a tricky business. It involves several time lines, and past and future versions of the same person interacting. It also involves colonial wars in the States, surprisingly well executed. Guys, I legitimately don’t think this movie deserves a spot on this list. It’s here, so I’m reviewing it, but I’m questioning my motives!
Goddam bicycle chase scene. Aww yiss!
In a nutshell, this movie is about Nick, a college professor of physics, who invents time travel. He’s built it into a plane as opposed to the car we know and love. A Cessna to be precise. They go into some detail about the actual time travel, but kept it vague enough, that it’s hard for somebody who isn’t physics savvy (such as myself) to really laugh and point a finger. Not that anybody could be expected to explain the mechanics of time travel in as much as, well, you know, it isn’t actually a possible and feasible thing at the time of writing (ultimo March, 2015. Color me embarrassed if somebody announces time travel is a thing tomorrow after I’ve published this review). But it’s basically flying and punching in a date on the computer system, then a countdown and some animation and you’re in the future or past. Nick wants to sell this concept to a corporation whose advertisement he sees in the television. The company is called GenCorp. Sounds like a generic brand if I ever heard one. It isn’t completely clear what GenCorp does, but it’s unimportant. He also lures out a reporter to witness it, by telling her his grandmother is going to skydive for the first time. A representative from GenCorp shows up, and the lady reporter too (who turns out to be somebody Nick went to high school with). He presents the idea of time travel and is, not surprisingly, met with skepticism across the board. However, he takes both of them out for coffee 50 years into the future. Starbucks hadn’t settled by then, so it’s just the generic shit we plebeians drink.
First date in the 50s? Nick's got game!
So of course both the reporter and the GenCorp dude are sold on the idea of time travel. The GenCorp fella takes it to his boss, J.K. who is also the guy in the ads Nick saw. Now, here is where it kind of gets interesting. Lisa, the reporter, thinks Nick is a sellout for allowing GenCorp to buy his invention off just like that. Nick is probably just in it for the Benjamins at this point. J.K. is about this invention, and a contract is drafted up. Of course GenCorp sells the whole thing as a government contract, looking to make weapons of it, and the usual shebang ensues. Nick reneges on his deal and things turn uggo. It is at this point, that a sort of chase through time happens, as Nick and Lisa hustles to prevent himself from ever making the deal in the first place, while J.K. rushes after them to prevent them from preventing it. Classic time travel shenanigans. J. K. eventually catches up with them, and abducts them to 1777, where he intends to drop leave them, marooned in time. This idea, obviously, has a real chance of fucking up everything in history, so J.K. correctly reasons that it’s best to just kill them. I won’t ruin the ending for you this time, legitimately, because it carries merit. Not excitement per se, but the way they dealt with the ending amused me.
JayKay (no relation) has an office that seems like it's in the middle of a lobby. That's art deco for ya.
So what’s bad about this movie? Let’s start out with that, because I’m going to have to go over positives in a moment, and I want to juxtapose them to the negative points so you know this was an OK movie but not like a great watch. Like I mentioned, the acting was subpar. J.K. was played by Georg Woodard who has the honor of being the only actor in this movie, with his picture on his IMDb profile and more than 2-3 movies to his name. He seems to be a somewhat established actor, and he did the best job, by far. He came off not quite as the evil CEO the synopsis makes him out to be, but he was definitely the adversary. Subdued, which I kind of liked. Oh this were supposed to be the negative part? Oh right. Well the acting was meh. There were a few things that made me go “hmm?” such as some of the time travel back and forth. Like I believe Nick and Lisa travelled back in time, and then had the time machine destroyed. But of course they could fix that whole issue with another time jump from the future. Anyway, they appear back in the present again like everything is fine. So whatever, right. It’s time travel. It can’t make perfect sense. I think this pretty much concludes the negatives. Sure some other aspects were a little iffy, but in context and mid-nineties low budget movie making considered, they actually did pretty well.
Nick convinces the colonial troops that J.K. is a british spy. Nobody seems to question Nick and Lisa's clothes or modern day English. Just like the real world. 
Now I’m not an expert and I’m not a movie maker by any stretch of the imagination. I’m hardly even a connoisseur. I’m just a moron who makes sarcastic comments on the internet. However, I have seen my share of both excellent and shitty movies (this blog, if nothing else, will attest to the truth in 50% of that statement) and as such I have a somewhat decent grasp on crappy special effects and sequences in said movies. This flick had a fucking bicycle chase. I mean, how often do you see that? And what’s more, it wasn’t even that shitty. I wasn’t at the edge of my seat or anything, but I couldn’t help by think the following think: ‘oh that’s pretty cool’. Yes, those words zoomed through my boyish mind. Later on, a horse chasing an airplane. Later on again, a guy on the wing of an airplane in flight. Yes, it was probably not flying and only purported the illusion of flight through sneaky camera placement, but it looked relatively legit. Small detail that struck me too, was how Nick rode his bike to the supermarket for groceries, met Lisa and hitched a ride in her car back – and they had put his bicycle in the trunk. Now I understand you might be thinking “But dude.. who gives a monkey’s patootie?” and normally I’d be inclined to agree. But it’s a weird breath of fresh motherhumping air, when little insignificant things like that is thought of. It signifies, if you’d spare me a minute for my honest opinion, a level of attention that just isn’t standard in these Bottom100 flicks, of which I’ve almost seen 50 now. It pleases me that somebody gave enough of a fuck. The time travel software and the animation happening when time travelling is pretty 90s, but for the time they are relatively low key and subdued, and not extravagant and ridiculous like in say Lawnmower Man 2 where everything was ballbouncingly stupid and pointless.
Nick is too bad ass in this flick. It's one of three movies he did, so it goes to show he is taking it to the next level here. 
Like I’ve touched upon, continuity is super tricky when making time travel movies. Nick goes back and forth, and encounters himself, which doesn’t create a rip in the time continuum like other people would have us believe. He talks to himself, and there is a somewhat amusing scene, where he talks with himself, with the camera intercutting between the front and the back of the two Nicks. Nick has, what we called Hockey Hair around my parts. Long in the neck, shorter on top. Popularly referred to as a mullet. The Nick we see from the back has a significantly different haircut. Small detail where they dropped the ball, but I had to laugh it off. Vintage. Overall they managed to keep timelines pretty straight, even with back and forth and several characters mixing in and out of them. Lisa dies in one timeline, and her alternate self finds out about it. Facing your own mortality much? Yes, Lisa certainly does.

50 years into the future, and shit looks like the boring part of Anytown, USA. Not much changes I guess.
Ok so this isn’t a critical look at Einstein and the theory of everything. It’s not scientific or even that elaborate. But I like it because it’s realistic. Yes, it’s fucking realistic in the context it operates within, like it’s realistic for Legolas to jump onto a horse running toward him, because he’s an Elf and it’s fucking fiction. This movie doesn’t require me to suspend my disbelief beyond what is needed to deal with the concept of time travel. The acting lacks a bit, but the look at both a dystopian and utopian future, dealing with corporate greed AND the flipside of that (technological advances but at a price), mortality, meeting your future/past self as well as a brief glimpse of the distant past makes this movie worth a watch. Yes, you are reading between the lines correctly. I am official recommending giving this movie a watch. It’s mildly entertaining and mildly interesting. In a world where flash trumps substance most of the time, it’s kind of fun to know substance, even if it’s but a small slice of it, still has a voice. It’s a first for us here at Totally Whatevs, and trust me, we are as shocked as you are. If you close this browser window thinking your entire existence has been based on a lie, well, then, I won’t blame you. I’ll bid you adieu with the hope you’ll return some day knowing things will probably go back to normal next week. If you are only momentarily stunned by this development, but won’t abandon us without the majority vote of the Suspreme Court backing you, then I’m damn proud of you. Damn proud. 
"Fuck you guys, I'm out. This ain't even hilarious anymore"

Monday, 23 March 2015

IMDb Bottom 100 Review - Number 57 Car 54 Where Are You

A movie featuring a Rosie O’Donnell sex scene has to be high up on the list of movies you just don’t want to see, right? Wrong-o my one way friend. This one is something of a sleeper hit, if you’d be so kind as to pardon the pun. Oh there wasn’t one? I thought there was. In any case, the movie is bearable, and not in any way because of Rosie. Or the thankfully not so racy sex scene he is involved in. It’s bearable and that scares me to my core. Have I gone mad? Determine for yourself, as you watch me convey a few words about..

Toody wakes up from a musical dream in the middle of a riot. It's reasonable. 
Car 54, Where are you? (1994)

One of the first movies on this list I had actually kind of looked forward to. What? You heard me. John C. McGinley? Yes! Fran Drescher? Oh yeah! Rosie O’Donnell? Well ok. Daniel Baldwin? Alright I’m done. Apparently a remake of an early 60s TV show by the same name, this movie was also originally a musical, but someone thought fuck that and edited out all but two musical numbers. Which, I guess, was for the best? It’s hard to really say if the movie would’ve been improved by keeping the music in. I doubt it somehow, but then again weirder shit has been known to happen. Saying I had looked forward to seeing this movie was perhaps a rushed statement, but I will say it looked slightly better than a lot of the other movies on the list. And it turned out to actually kind of be. More on that after the break.

Rosie O'fuckingDonnell. That hair alone should make you want to watch this flick.
So the story here is straight forward and surprisingly coherent in nature. Coherent as in we don’t see too many of the B100 trademark “where the fuck did that come from?” scenes we’re used to. Granted, I was eating during the final 20 minutes of the movie, and once or twice while busy cutting out a sweet juicy bite, I missed a thing or two on screen. I considered rewinding real fast, but thought it might not be worth the effort. Anyway, I’m straying from the point. The movie is about Officer Toody and his new partner Officer Muldoon. Toody is a stupid useless fuck up, and Muldoon is his new by the book partner, that arrives at the precinct with a state of the art computer system that tracks squad cars and other crime fighting related shit that isn’t thoroughly explained and, frankly, nobody gives a fuck about anyway. He’s fresh out of the academy. At first he is all over the place when patrolling, wanting to haul every swinging dick and his great aunt downtown for questioning, but Officer Toody’s ineptitude soon puts a stop to that diligence. So often the case, isn’t it? You start at a new job and are about making a difference, until somebody who’s life force was quenched years ago manage to beat the positivity out of you, and drag you down to the slow and steady pace of the rest of us.

If Rosie's hair didn't do it, this suit should. And John C. McGinley. Seriously. 
Toody and Muldoon soon balance things out, and Toody takes the awkward with women Muldoon on a double date with his wife and the venerable Velma Velour. What Toody fails to tell Muldoon is, that Velour apparently has made her rounds with every officer at the precinct. Muldoon falls in love, and makes a food of himself when he announces this at a staff meeting. But since the feeling is reciprocated by Velour, this sub plot doesn’t really pan out like one could imagine. Much like real life, apparently nobody gives a shit about a new partners past endeavors. Points for realism. Meanwhile, their Captain wants them to safeguard a mafia informant, that the local Don wants killed. During this, Toody decides to go undercover as the hitman Detroit Dan, but his cover is blown when his antsy wife finds him and starts bitching. So much for going undercover in the part of town you reside where everybody knows who you are. Things really heat up in the exciting crescendo, where Muldoon, Toody, his wife and Velour hit Coney Island with gangsters and police in tow. Hilarity ensues. Not a dry seat in the house for this one, my friends.

If Rosie and John didn't make you want to illegally download this movie straight away, because fuck paying money for it right, Adam Baldwin ought to finish you off. 
What do you know, it’s a buddy cop movie. From the mid 90s. Actually this movie came out in the same year as Pulp Fiction. It doesn’t quite hold up like old Pulp F does, but still it carries merit. Certainly more than Plump Fiction ever did. I’ll readily agree that doesn’t take any effort on anybody’s part, but I think you’ll agree with me, that accolades are seldomly found in these reviews. I’m so torn, you guys, between an inherent need to adhere to expectations and tear these movies apart and the weird feeling that I’ve somehow managed to upset my mental equilibrium. How dire the consequences could be? What if I end up liking these movies, singing their praises from here on out? You guys? If I watch Superbabies 2 and my review would garner any less than an R rating, please call 911 and tell them there is a crazy movie reviewer on the loose. Because I will have effectively lost my shit by then, and should probably be relegated to the confines of a padded cell with some sort of restraining garments splashed across my frail but aesthetically pleasing human male frame. When you’ve called 911, lock up your kids and pets and stop the gold fish pond pump from running. Also make sure you stock up on canned peaches. I fucking hate canned peaches. I recently discussed canned peaches with this girl I’ve grown extensively fond of, and she can vouch for the truth in that statement. I really don’t like canned peaches. You may think all this canned peaches talk is terribly interesting albeit irrelevant in a movie reviewing context. If that was a thought in your head, you would be correct. I’ll let it rest, for now, and move on to an item I think you’ll find particularly juicy. Back to you, Tom.

All joking almost aside, let Fran Drescher convince you this is a must see. Just do it. 
Thank you, Dave. Toody is played by David Johansen, and he employs a really annoying voice, for some reason. I never saw the original show, so I can’t say if it’s a tribute or just a shitty decision on the part of the actor/director. The weird thing is, he actually grew on me as the movie progressed. I know, right. What the fuck is happening to me? John C. McGinley I’ve always liked, and while he’s not really very John C. McGinleyee here as the timid Officer Muldoon, he still manages a performance that elevates the quality level of this film substantially. Fran Drescher is a delight, even thought she isn’t really. I don’t know what to make of that. Her sitcom was subpar, and I’ve only really seen her in that princess Sound of Music knock off flick with Timothy Dalton, so I don’t know what I’m basing this affection on. But there is an affection. Daniel Baldwin looks like a mix between Alec and Stephen here, and while I’m not a fan of this dude at all, as the least cool Baldwin brother, even his performance doesn’t make me want to hurt somebody. The last two known faces are Jeremy Piven and Rosie O’Donnell respectively, and I have to admit Piven made me chuckle twice and while O’Donnell was so 90s I almost passed out, her deliberately annoying performance kind of fit. It’s the weirdest feeling, you guys, but I actually didn’t hate this movie.

This is the system John C has installed. It's showing cop car locations possibly? They are converging on the same important location it seems. 
Yes it was kind of stupid, and corny, but surprisingly easy to follow. And I know it’s oxymoronic really, because these movies are so simple in their structure, that they are actually hard to follow, if by follow you mean make perfect sense of. This film didn’t seem to take itself too seriously. Even though some higher up decided it needed to be more serious and cut the musical vibe, it was light hearted. There were 3 moments where I actually genuinely chuckled at… well I don’t know if I’d go so far as to say I chuckled at a joke, but a few things were delivered in a way that I kind of thought was amusing. I think that may very well be a first for these reviews. Actually chuckling at the movie in a non mocking way. This scares me, because I can’t tell if I’m completely desensitized now, and the B100 movies will become funnier and better to me, or if this particular film doesn’t really deserve the spot it has on the list. I don’t think I’d go so far as to say I liked the movie, but it was definitely better than the others I’ve seen on this list. Alright so it doesn’t take much to rise above the crowd here, but remember I started with the ‘best’ movie on the list: Troll 2. And I absolutely fucking hated every mindnumbingly shitflingingly crotchpunchingly pointless second of that one. It was supposed to get worse after that. And while I will concede that there have been some absolute shitstorms on the list thus far, I think I’ll still go ahead and say Troll 2 takes the cake for me. Car 54 is a shoddy flick, but it’s not B100 crappy.

Toody goes undercover disguised as a slightly stupider looking version of himself. This picture doesn't do the gag justice, because the lady changes clothing four times as she leads him through underground tunnels. Actually I didn't get that gag.