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This is the opening shot. Can you blame me for being pissed off right away? This is inside his mother's womb. What the fuck? |
Why Carrot Top ever rose to any level of fame is really hard for me to grasp. Lots of people have achieved some kind of public recognition, and there are many of them I’m curious why other people, at any point, found funny. None more so, however, than Carrot Top. I don’t know if they have Least Funny Person contests, but if they do, Carrot Top should win in absentia. Every time. More infuriating is it to see the amount of quasi famous people he somehow rallied to his cause for this film. When I watched this cack, I kept thinking “Omg it’s… that guy!” or “Oh wow good old whatsherface is in this too?” They just kept racking up, none of them improving on what should’ve died on even the most desperate exec’s office floor. It followed a 90s movie formula so archaic, Vanilla Ice would’ve furrowed his brow in disdain at it. No good loser with a heart of whatever precious metal floats your stupid little boat somehow inherits a large non-descript company from an eccentric rich dude who snubs his actual family in the process. Loser guy manages to run the company despite being a moron, is almost foiled, falls from grace, but returns in triumphant fashion, somehow along the way getting the girl who swore to never touch turds like him with ten foot poles.
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I couldn't even with this. Like no. Just no. That hair and then a chicken suit that looked like it was used to storm Normandy. |
I’m gonna spend two paragraphs, as per usual, going through the plot in intricate detail, despite already having a hard time boiling more broth off of it than the previous paragraph allows. But here we go. Basically Carrot Top is an inventor, with every invention obviously being not only mindnumbingly pointless and stupid, but also a waste of everybody’s time. He lives, and surfs, with two other guys, and they have a hard time making rent. Because idiots. Carrot (good lord) meets rich guy on the road, and fixes his broken down car. Rich Guy is so amazed at this, Carrot’s invention ideas, and their subsequent, and hilariously phony looking, surfing montage, that he bequeaths the stock majority in his company to Carrot and conveniently dies only days later, despite being both mentally and physically fit. Now obviously, Rich Guy’s nephew, who might be evil and douchey, and conspiring with a crazily misplaced Raquel Welch to do an evil takeover on his uncle’s company, but still seems to be at least somewhat competent, is none too happy about this turn of events. He vows to fuck up Carrot’s bid at company big wig.
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"I will kill again. Your wife. Your kids. Lock them up, or so help me..." |
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I wanted to expire when he showed up in this outfit. Those legs... Everything about this just gets under my skin. |
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He even managed to make killer bees unfunny. They are ALWAYS hilarious. You ruined killer bees for us, Carrot Dick. |
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I forgot what the fuck was going on here. I think perhaps he was making an ad for his TV tv dinner. I hate him. |
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A gag that involves him coming out of the shower, but the foam on his face kept changing. And then that grin, that makes Jack Nicholson's Joker cackle with confusion. |
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